I remember traveling in the train. A 40hr journey. I remember passing through half of India. I remember the sounds, the taste, the beauty, the ugliness, the sense of freedom. I remember sitting at the entrance of the coach, legs dangling outside, staring at the virgin night. A night over a land which has barely ever seen an artificial light. A night that turned truly black every time the moon hid behind the clouds. So black that the light from the coach was reflected back. Every once in a while, I could make out random shapes as the train sped through the vast landscape. A tree, a scarecrow, a hut or maybe they were something altogether different. It was, after all, extremely dark. I plugged my earphones then, switched on my i-Pod. I listened to the Moonlight Sonata by Beethoven as the night rushed by me. I looked up at the sky. I saw the full moon. I understood for the first time the sheer beauty of the moon. I was mesmerized. I stared at the moon for some more time. I stared until the rhythm of the train sent me into a trance-like meditative state. I thought of things I had never thought of and I thought of things I think about everyday. I felt at peace. A tiny speck in the infinite space. A blink of the universe's eye. That is me, I thought. I was strangely comforted by the thought. I knew then, that the world did not revolve around me, not even my world. I knew that it was true for everyone.
I remember experiencing the sudden rush of blood, every time the train stopped at some small station. I could have gotten down and ran away. I could have been a drifter for life. I could have tasted forever in an instant of time. Many forevers. A step, was all I needed to take. I did not take that step. Today, I wonder why. I crave for that feeling today- the feeling of being one step away from breaking all the bonds. Is it a crime to escape when there is no fight? Will I be called a coward if I run when I have nothing to run away from? Can I not escape for the sheer pleasure of escaping?
Can I not? I wonder.
3 comments:
I loved the bit where you spoke of the mesmerizing beauty of the moon. Aah! the coy moon it knows it takes my breath away, everytime.
My heart goes out to you and yet, there is nothing I could say to you that would make you feel any better.
While everything goes wrong the moon always shows up, with its ever so hypnotic beauty, after a moonless night. Please don't stop believing!
:D
I don't feel all that bad really. This blog is where I let go of the unpleasant bits. I escape them for a while. Overall, I am a very happy person. No, seriously. Heh.
And yes, the moon. It is so beautiful. You had to see that moon to know how magnificent it was.
Phew! You are not that sad! Yeay! :D :D Another yeay for being a happy person! May the happiness shine on you always always! :D :D
Ooh! the moon. :)
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