Inevitable.

That feeling when you know that defeat is inevitable. The relief mixed with grief. The two almost opposite emotions combine together to form this beautiful state of mind. Morbidly beautiful. You go through an entire spectrum of emotions. You oscillate wildly between the two poles, i.e, relief and grief. The relief at the thought you cannot win anymore. You can stop trying. The grief at the loss.The oscillations pick up speed as you approach defeat. Your mind goes in a frenzy. The heart races like a deer being chased by a leopard in the grasslands of Africa. Your actions become mechanical... Unfeeling. And when you touch defeat, the delirium reaches a fever pitch. All your senses overload. There is a moment when you can feel everything, hear everything, see everything and smell everything. And yet, nothing registers. As you immerse yourself in defeat, one of the feelings vanish, and you are left with one extreme. You are left panting in defeat and a vision that will haunt you time and again and when you least expect it.

Steps.

I have been walking,
Through streets paved with words,
I picked up a word, wrapped it in skin and bones,
And I had a thought without a soul.
Like crocodile's tears,
Acid rain, democracy and chaos galore.

I have been drifting,
Through cities of silence,
Nobody speaks,
Nobody listens,
The people just sit and stare at the city square,
And stare at me till I can almost hear the silence break.
And, I drift away.
Away from the noisy silence,
I drift away to the melody just beyond the hill.

I have been searching,
Looking for the man I wished to be,
Between the word of God and the Gun,
I choose to sleep.
Yes, I committed the crime,
The unforgivable one,
And now I am left with nothing,
Nothing but the thought of new tastes and touch.


I have been wandering,
looking for the new sin,
A new sin for a new day,
I will repent at my death-bed,
For now, I will be wandering from the morning to the noon.