Descent.

I lost my way again. I lose it often. Somewhere between thoughts and converting those thoughts into words. What comes out of my mouth is not what I had thought. How fucking frustrating is that? Very.

Am I the only one who suffers from this handicap(?)... am I? Words on their own are so incomplete as a means of communication. Why are we taught only the language of words and not that of the body? While words can be hidden, twisted, manipulated, silenced, held back... the body screams everything it feels. All you need to do is to know how to read it, how to listen.

I am standing at the edge of self-destruction again, staring at the vast, seemingly infinite chasm below. I have taken this leap many-a-times. Will I take it again? I do not know if self-destruction is even the correct term. It is to fall, to fly. When there is no end to the fall, isn't it as good as flying?And as you fall, you lose everything that is not you and what is scary is that you are likely to fall apart if all you have is you. That you are at your most incomplete when you are complete, when you are just you.

The feeling of incompleteness gradually recedes, the regrets fade away in the background. And then you experience peace and contentment like you have never before. You are you and that's it.

Boredom settles in. You build again. You build, you reach for the sky and then you stand at the top again, to take the fall. You build not to touch the sky. You build to jump, to fall, to fly.