10 Endangered Species (and why we can't wait for them to be extinct)

There are some animals out there which just do not deserve a second chance. I mean, I get why endangered species need to be protected- to preserve the balance in nature and what not. But preventing these ten species from extinction is like slapping humanity in the face while at the same time molesting mother nature. I am pretty sure that most of you would agree that slapping humanity in the face and molesting mother nature is wrong... or well, this is the internet, maybe not. But for those of you who would not like to see humanity's face disfigured or mother nature running around for her panties, then this article is for you. Keep your shotguns handy and watch out for these ten "endangered" species.


SUN BEAR

Whose my wittle cuddly wuddly bunny bear?

Whose my wittle apple pie?

Whose my-

AAAH! Motherfucker! Run!


Before going any further, I would like to congratulate the anonymous guy in the above series of photographs who managed to pry open the bear's snout with his bare-fucking-hands for having balls of steel. 

The reclusive sun bear, smallest member of the bear family, lives an insular life in the dense lowland forests of Southeast Asia.

Found from southern China to eastern India and as far south as Indonesia, sun bears, also called Malayan sun bears, take their name from the bib-shaped golden or white patch on their chest, which legend says represents the rising sun. They have a stocky, muscular build, small ears, and a short muzzle, which has earned them the nickname “dog bear.” Their sleek, black coat is short to avoid overheating in the tropical weather but thick and coarse to provide protection from twigs, branches, and rain.

Sun bears grow to only about half the size of an American black bear. Males, slightly larger than females, are about 5 feet (1.5 meters) in length and weigh up to 150 pounds (70 kilograms), a stature which suits their arboreal lifestyle and allows them to move easily through the trees. They have even been observed making sleeping platforms high above the ground out of branches and leaves.

Ironically, sun bears are nocturnal. They lumber through the forests by night, snacking on fruits, berries, roots, insects, small birds, lizards, and rodents. They have an excellent sense of smell and extremely long claws, exceeding four inches (ten centimeters) in length, which they use to rip open trees and termite nests. They also have an almost comically long tongue for extracting honey from bee nests, giving them their other nickname, “honey bear.”

Adult Sun Bears have almost no predators except humans, due to their fierce reputation and formidable teeth. The recent decline in the Sun Bear population can be largely attributed to the hunting of "nuisance bears" that destroy crops and widespread poaching driven by the market for their fur and for their bile, which is used in Chinese medicine. Due to lack of any concrete data regarding their numbers it is assumed, taking into account the ecological conditions of their habitat, that the Sun Bear is now a threatened species. WWF's official stance is also that Sun Bear is now a threatened species.

 Adult females are also frequently killed so their cubs can be taken and raised as pets--a role for which they are considered desirable, due to their relatively inoffensive nature and small size in comparison with other bears.

Why it should be extinct?

What you lookin' at, motherfuckah?

What they have have conveniently forgotten to mention is the fact that this animal is holy shit half leopard, half bear! Just look at the spots on his chest! Really, animal scientists? You thought we wouldn't notice? Fuck you. Also, the fact that these little fuckers are cleverer than we originally assumed. They have made people declare them as a threatened species, even though humans do not have any concrete data to support this declaration, thereby, turning their biggest predator in to their most dedicated protector. It's like Osama Bin Laden tricking America into protecting him. Sounds ridiculous, right? Not if you are an ironically named mammal called the Sun Bear. 
These "bears" have managed to fool and manipulate the entire goddamned human race. How the fuck did they achieve this seemingly impossible feat? By acting all cutesy around humans, the way the panda bears did, in order to become too cute to be hunted and also to have stupid humanity pet them. When the time is right, they will kill humans in their own homes.[Citation Needed] 

Newborn sun bear cub molesting a woman

It should be noted that though not much is known about these reclusive creatures, they have been observed making platforms on trees to rest their furry asses. They are constructing shit for their own comfort! Alarm bells, people, alarm fucking bells. Has it occurred to anybody that the so called "platforms" might be sentry posts, from where they can observe other animals(including humans) from a higher ground? Even if these platforms are being constructed for comfort purposes, it shows signs of a highly evolved creature who is now building structures not for hunting or nesting but for relaxing. And people are actually taking them in as pets after killing their mothers! Trust me, when I say this, these bears are just biding their time. One day not far from now, they will take their revenge and when they are ripping apart everyone you have ever known, I will be standing there with a blow-horn shouting "I told you so." 
Also, film makers, if you ever decide to make Planet of the Sun Bear, know this: I call dibs on that idea.

Oh, by the way, did I mention its claws?

Go on. Bring them home as pets. Go on.

 Chinese Giant Salamander

Where do I begin with this animal? How about I show you what it looks like first? Yeah, you want that do? Think again...

What drugs were you on, Mother Nature, when you decided to create this monstrosity? Scientist call it a salamander but I call it the Baby Trapped Inside an Eel Mindfuck. The Chinese giant salamander can grow to be nearly six feet long and can make you throw up your dinner by just looking at you. Look at its almost baby human hands. If you do not believe in hell, you better change your beliefs, because that thing up there can come from no other place. Why oh why, does this salamander need hands? You can bet it is not to help old ladies cross streets. 

On an unrelated note, here is a picture of a Chinese man going for a penile replacement surgery with the handpicked penis of his choice.

Had to be said.

Giant Weta 

AAAAAAAAAAAAAAARGH!! RUN FOR YOUR FUCKING LIFE!!!!!

Frigate Island Beetle

That up there is a Frigate Island Beetle. Apparently Frigate island is located in the middle Children'sTear Ocean and its chief occupation is finding and destroying little kittens. Only in a place like this can an aberration like that exist.It’s the largest of the tenebrionid beetles and the most at risk. If you ever leave the internet long enough to visit Frigate Island and you pick up a beetle and it stains your hands and clothes with a “musky” scented purple ink then the beetle in your hand is a Frigate Island Beetle and you have probably been impregnated. That's not all. Look closely at the image. There is a cute little sticker on the head of the beetle (put there by the hand of Satan himself according to sources) marked innocently with the numeral 2. Simply put this means that there is one more of those things out there sporting the no. 1 sticker. It could be anywhere. Even.... behind you.

To be contd...